ADD Insights, LLC

We all have a habit of mind that we take for granted as part of our mental makeup – this powerful pull on our attention, sort of like a magnet the size of King Kong.

I work consciously to identify this issue both in my own life and the lives of my clients. I knew I needed to come up with a better name for this thinking type. Finally I found the image that best describes it: the image of blood-sucking vampires. Granted, vampires are talked about, written about, and filmed about a lot these days, but nevertheless it was the image I received and nothing else would substitute. So, the idea of Vampire Thinking has stuck, and people have seemed to respond to it so far.

So what is Vampire Thinking? No, I’m not talking about Twilight, True Blood or Vampire Diaries. This Vampire Thinking is the compulsion we have to suck the juice right out of things.

For instance: you have an opportunity to go to a lecture in a topic you’re interested in. The professor delivering the workshop is interesting and experienced. The venue is convenient, your friends and classmates are going, and you have the time. So all looks great, right?

The answer is no, things are not great. Because unfortunately the next thing you do is engage in Vampire Thinking. You start sucking the good – the potential – out of the possibility. Let’s see.  Oh, of course, you shouldn’t spend study or social time at an extra lecture. And – it’s really on the other side of campus and it looks like rain. And, maybe it won’t be all that interesting. And, last time you went to something like this, you didn’t learn anything new. On and on you go until the guest lecture idea has been sucked dry of its vitality and promise, left hanging like a limp dishrag or the clock on DaIi’s painting. You have talked yourself right out of it. Now it seems like a bad idea thanks to vampire thinking and you will miss the experience. The irony of this, of course, is that when vampire thinking doesn’t get the chance to sway you, you usually enjoy trying something new and feel relieved that you didn’t miss out.

Now multiply that experience above by hundreds of leadership roles, relationships, school trips, parties, internships, charitable opportunities, concerts, vacations, and resume-building activities and you get the point. How many times do you pretend to know something or someone won’t work out?  You might be so good at fooling yourself that you actually believe you can predict outcomes. You don’t even need to find out because you predict the future all the time and you’re always right, aren’t you? That’s what you’ve taught yourself to believe. You can fool yourself into thinking that you’re saving yourself from trouble. The truth is, if you made the effort to take a chance, you would find you were often wrong. This is how Vampire Thinking steals the future, by sucking great opportunities dry.

Then there’s the other elephant in the room – the times you use your vampire thinking on others. How about when you discourage a friend or family member from trying something new (because you say you don’t want them to “get hurt”)? How many times have you sucked the juice and energy out of someone else’s hopes and dreams? When vampire thinking invades your ambitions, you can’t help infecting those around you who still take risks.

There is something you can do to watch out for this trap door.  Find your own garlic to hold out in front of you, and hang a different kind of cross around your neck. The following steps have been proven to work, but, alert! You must accompany them with patience and consistent repetition. Don’t give up! The more often you succeed at diverting this life-sucking habit I’m calling Vampire Thinking, the more often you will experience the bliss and joy of learning and growing. And nothing succeeds like success!

Step 1  
Acknowledge that you do it. Pay attention. Notice the circumstances around you when you suck the positivity out of your opportunities and ideas. When? Where? Who else was involved? What were your concerns? What is the cost of this behavior? Write it all down.

Step 2
  Notice what you are sacrificing by continuing to think and act in this way. How often does it happen? How would your day, week, month have been different if you had said “yes” instead of “no”? Has choosing inaction increased your success and happiness at all? Has it harmed you?

Step 3
  Sit back and admit that the evidence in front of you is overwhelming and it’s time to stop! DECIDE – right now – to rid Vampire Thinking from one key area of your life: a class, an activity, a better weekend. As you succeed at one key area, you will be able to apply what you learned to other areas of your life where vampire thinking also thrives.

Step 4
  Draw, download, or cut out pictures and take photos of the kind of life you would be living if you stopped Vampire Thinking in critical life domains like class, friendships, relationships and extracurriculars. What will be possible once you stop sucking your potential dry?  What will you have that you’ve always wanted? How will it feel to have more of what you REALLY want?

Here’s a salute to you and to the end of the Vampire Thinking! Here’s to stopping this soul-draining habit.

Carol Gignoux, M.Ed. is a well established expert within the ADHD coaching, consulting and training profession with over 35 years experience working with ADHD and over 16 years as a professional coach. Carol and her team of experts specialize in coaching adults, couples, small business owners, and entrepreneurs who want to move their businesses from being successful to extraordinary, and develop the skills and confidence to achieve better results in their academic, professional, and personal lives.  Carol is currently writing her book, The Asset: Your Success Gene and the Myth of ADD.

Tags: ADHD College Week, Vampire thinking